My alarm went off the morning and
the sun was shining and the birds were singing.
I floated off to a clean kitchen to pour myself a cup of already brewed
and steaming hot coffee, which I took to my sanctuary where I met with the Lord
for 30 minutes of blissful intimacy with God.
As I finished praising him with a resolute “Amen”, the alarms of my
children woke them gently to greet the day.
Sharing the mirror, dressed in their finest, they washed brushed and
powered perfect faces as I prepared a nutritious hot and filling breakfast
which they had ample time to finish in time to walk to the bus and head into
their educational journey of the day. I
washed the dishes, dressed to my shoes, as the laundry whirled in the
machines. Neatly and efficiently checking
items from my "to do" list, enabled me to send a card of
encouragement, make a meal for a friend, and pick a basket of apples before
heading out to the grocery store to do my weekly shopping. Within a few short hours I had stopped at the
post office, made a deposit at the bank, dropped off the recycling and the meal
for my sick friend. Picking up a cup of
coffee, I efficiently saved over 60% on the groceries thanks to my well
maintained coupon binder. I arrived home
in time to get dinner started and bake a fresh batch of cookies for the kids to
snack on after school. A hot well
balanced meal was on the table when my husband arrived home from work and we
sat together as a family to eat and share the blessings of the day. Our evening was filled with the quiet
thinking that accompanies homework, evening devotions and a walk around the
block as a family. Nightly prayers with
each child a their bedside tucked away the day and my husband and I share a
meaningful conversation before retiring ourselves at a hour which would provide
us a complete 8 hours of restful sleep………
BEEP…. BEEP…. BEEP…. BEEP…. BEEP…. BEEP
My alarm went off and my feet hit the cold floor with the
reality that I had slept in, and my dream was shattered. I am not that woman, wife and mother, in the
dream sequence I relayed previously. I forget
numerous phone calls that need to be made, return home only to find I had
forgotten to go to the grocery store, the laundry piles up and the dishes spend
more time soaking than waiting in the cupboards. I miss deadlines, forget to pack lunches, lose
sign and returns, and rely way too heavily on my calendar and spell check. I really gave up the superwoman myth years
ago, Proverbs 31 woman is not a literal goal I have set for my life. And I am okay with that. It took years for me to admit I am not
perfect nor should I be, nor will I ever be.
I am a work in progress and I rely on GRACE to water my field… daily.
Several days ago, my oldest announced, quite out of the
blue, that she could not wait to get married and have babies. Now, keep in mind, she is not dating at the
present moment and there are no babies on her immediate horizon. I think she was just sharing the desires of
her heart to be a wife and mama… someday.
She also has dreams of college, a career, and world travel, all of which
I think she can and will accomplish in her life with God’s grace.
…… It is also worth noting that this is the same child, who
after many, many years of watching her Mama go through 2 high risk pregnancies and then raising her younger
siblings (one of which was a preemie) swore with every last fiber of her being
she would NEVER EVER BIRTH CHILDREN!........
So we chatted a bit about her newly embraced heart fire to nurture
a family. I told her I thought she would make a great
mom and I do! Very casually, and without
much thought I mentioned a few of our younger mom friends who are great, loving
and fantastic with their children, telling her that she had very good role
models to fashion her life after.
She kissed me on the cheek and said “And YOU, Mom!” bouncing
off down the hallway with the happy though of someday being a mom herself.
I haven’t been able to get her comment out of my head. She and I have been through a lot together.
A LOT!
I remember a time sitting in my pastor’s office crying that
I was ruining her and she would someday be a mess as big as I was. In his wisdom, he always encouraged me that
although she was a strong willed child God had a plan for her life and He would
use her, trust him, and trust God.
Eventually I did and God has been faithful.
And regardless of what I mess of a mom I think I am, she
wants to be like me. I hope and pray she
takes all the good and leaves behind all of the bad.
She was watching.
What I think struck me hardest was the fact that all these
years she saw…
she saw right through my flaws and saw my heart…
my heart for her and her siblings, my heart for her daddy,
my heart for Jesus, my heart for people, and she found in her heart was planted
a seed for the same.
Danetta & I, Easter circa 1997
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