It seems as if I tell this story often yet when I tried to
find something I had written about it on my computer, there was nothing to be
found. Strange.
So here goes.
Today, I am covered in the dust of the Rabbi because I have
learned there is Someone who does my life better than I do, Jesus.
I
make a daily choice to indulge in the fruit of The Spirit. A daily choice to love, for joy, seeking
peace, digging up patience, intentionally being kind, doing good, staying
faithful, as gently as possible, with a constant check on myself. It is not an easy task and often….very often, I fall short.
Not making excuses but I am human and flawed. (Surprised aren't you?)
But in addition to my human-ness and flaws, I have a soiled past
that I am constantly struggling with and fighting against.
I know that God uses all things for good (Romans 8.28) and
I know that He is doing just that in my life BUT much like Paul who was afflicted,
I too am afflicted. I am so thankful
that His grace is sufficient! (2 Cor 12)
Much like
you cannot un-ring a bell, I cannot forget my past. I can overcome it, I can manage it, I can
deal with the repercussions of it but I cannot undo the life I have lived. Some of my past experiences are a direct
result of my own choosing and those are the most painful to remember. But, some are due to the actions and choices
of others; those are much easier to forgive.
Easier being a relative term.
It is so difficult to put grace into words….
Even in my love affair with words, the challenge remains. But, I guess if God were easy to understand
He wouldn't be so majestic. So, this is what
I know.
I am not the person I once was.
The transformation is nothing short of divine. When I share my testimony with those who know
me now, I can see the struggle with comprehension. When I encounter someone from my past they
too struggle with comprehending the conversion.
Sometimes, I myself wonder how I have come to be the person I am today,
this person was never even on the radar of the before Christ Christy.
Who is she? Not an easy answer.
Where
did she come from? That is an easier
question to answer, since that is what I know. But revisiting the past is a precarious journey. I am not afraid of becoming trapped by the past, but pain is as real today as it when it first occurred. The memories are my reality.
If your are able and willing to make the trip with me, for the sake of others, we will embark soon....
In the mean time, I pray you stay covered in the dust of The Rabbi.
"Transformation"
~Victor Bregeda
