So we came home the other night, well after dark only to find our driveway blocked by the enormous apple tree branch which previously canopied our driveway. So we piled out that the end of the drive and maneuvered around the wreckage to get to the house. I was sad. This tree is one of the things which sold me on this house. It stands vigil on the bank of the driveway half way between the road and the house. In the spring it is a mass of tiny white blooms, in the summer the shade is cool in the heat of the day and in the fall the woodland creatures emerge from the surrounding pastures and thickets to feast on its fruit. Its fruit was small & gnarled but the bees, birds and many four legged furry friends had plenty to eat.
This is the third time in 13 years the weather has won in battle with this ancient centurion and I am afraid to say that this last battle may have dealt the fatal blow. Although she still stands guard, her truck is split in half, bear and clean, amputated by the skilled chain saw of my husband. I couldn’t bear to be part of the surgery which took hours to clear from the path on Sunday morning. I was sad. This was a morning I should have been worshipping with my brothers & sisters in Christ. Circumstances being what they were, I was exiled to the house to occasionally glance at the aftermath of Mother Nature, in grief.
I don’t know why I have such as soft spot in my heart for trees, but I do. And this one, just last week had become home to woodpecker! God’s provision abundant in the life of her branches, for us and our neighbors.
Then I began to think about all the things I loved about this house when we bought it. The grape arbor, the beautiful flower gardens, the fruit orchard, the apple tree, the port window in the kitchen and the corner windows on every corner of the house. There was a small greenhouse off of the basement door and the most amazing rock wall flanking both the front and back of the house. But that was 13 years ago. And so much has changed. The orchard has not borne fruit since we set up house here and the apple tree has thrice battled with the eastern blowing winds to have lost a little more each time. The port window remains but it is broken and cannot be repaired or replaced while maintaining its integrity. The greenhouse was gone before we signed the papers, due to “dangerous construction” and each of the corner windows has been replaced with the additional of rooms and space. The grape arbor has been overrun with weeds, the flowers left to do what they will and the rock wall in the back has collapsed under the weight of the weeds. Some of this is directly of my doing but some is not.
I came from a heritage of gardeners who shared with me their love of beautiful foliage and fauna but somehow the genes which allowed me the ability to participate in nature slipped through the sieve. I am not able to put my hands in soil or near the beautiful creation of growth without my skin exploding in massive allergic protestation. It makes me sad to know that something someone else so lovingly created I am unable to carry on. So I look with longing at the rock wall, my heart breaking to repair its damage but knowing full well that one touch of the poison growing around it and I will suffer beyond imagination. . The arbor produces the smallest sampling of the most delectable purple round flavor yet knowing I cannot care for the vine; the taste is small and teasing. And I am left to question. The orchard needs pruned to produce but pruning is not an option because of the camber of the landscape. There is always a reason, not an excuse but a reason.
The widows needed to be eliminated to add to the living space as our family grew. And all of these things are valid but as I pulled into the drive a few days ago, I realized that this house which we have made our home is not the same place we fell in love with when we bought it. Funny thing though, neither are we the same people who bought that home all those years ago. We have changed. We have grown. Then we were a family of three. Now we are a family of five. Our first will be a senior in High school in a few short weeks. The busiest year of her life has commenced and there is no stopping it. The baby will most likely take issue with being called a baby once he steps onto the Kindergarten bus in August. And the middle child is beginning her own adventures as a middle schooler. We have so much to be thankful for but we are different… just as our home is different.
There was a time when I was so passionate about being the proud mistress of this home that I would have given my very life to defend her. Some of that hasn’t changed, I am still proud of this home we have given our children, but I am no longer ferocious in my possession of her. She has served us well. We have so many memories and love that have been made within these walls, but she is no longer my focus.
I know that God is calling us, but much life Abraham, I have no idea where or when we are to go. As I have examined the hearts of each of those in my family, I know that they too are ready to go… whenever…. where ever God calls us. Funny thing… all of the things I loved about this house in the beginning are now gone. And now there is something most assuredly missing from the landscape of this home with the loss of the main branch of the apple tree. I can’t help but think that God has been gently preparing us for the time when he sends us. Or maybe it was just a bad storm again an old tree. Trees fall every day….. right?
